MAALISH KERALA STYLE

Kawcaw

                        Maalish-Kerala style

When I had a bout of low grade fever a few months back, I didn’t take it seriously. No one knew why I was running fever.

In the good old days they called it “P.U.O”. When, in the early sixties of the last century, my disease was diagnosed as PUO, I thought I had contracted one of those unmentionable, incurable ailments that was only whispered or aspirated, never put into words. Gingerly I broached the subject to the doctor. He looked at my face frozen in fear and trepidation and laughed outright.

I was aghast. Imagine a doctor deriving merriment from his patient’s predicament!.

“What is funny, Doctor Saab?” I asked, a trifle petulantly.

He saw that his response had hurt my sentiments.   “No, no. Believe me, I was just laughing at us doctors and the games we play.”

“Games? What games? ”

“Look here, my dear young man. PUO is no disease. It stands for Pyrexia of Unknown Origin. When the doctor finds a fever without understanding its origin, he writes P.U.O. He doesn’t wish to admit his ignorance.”

The doctors of today do not possess this brand of self-deprecatory humour. They call everything they do not understand as ‘viral fever,’ as if it is a diagnosis.

So officially I had viral. My platelet count went down. Whenever the thermometer crossed 100 degrees, I had a tablet of Crocin. I drank plenty of fluids, hoping to flush the febrile elements out of the system. After ten days, the fever subsided and stayed down. I was declared cured, but I was told not to overstrain myself as it might bring on a relapse.

This fever gave me a certain weakness in the legs, which made it difficult to walk normally. I exercised the muscles, I drank coconut water and juice, and ate apples and pomegranates and drank Protinex with my milk, but the weakness persisted.

One day, when we discussed the matter in a family council, my wife suggested we try out the Kerala Massage. We did some exploration and then located the Santhagiri Ayurveda and Siddha clinic at Saket Family Courts Complex. We had some previous experience of the Kerala system and knew that they relied almost totally on a set of massages by different names.

Very soon I had embarked on a seven day course of massages on the entire body. I had three masseurs with some bottles of oils which were heated to boiling point. Then two of the hefty ones vigorously attacked my body as if it was an object to be revamped and redeemed from its primordial state of weakness. First I lay on my back and the fearsome twosome rubbed the boiling scented oils into me through the pores of my skin. Then I was asked to lie down on my sides and then on my belly, and they did some more of the same.

The rubbing went on for nearly one hour. The warmth and the tactile sensation and the  scent of far off herbs drawn from God’s Own Country was so powerful a soporific that once or twice I caught myself snoring away to glory unaware that I lay on a plastic sheet on a bed carved out of a tree-trunk, in the ferocious grasp of muscled masseurs unknown to me.

After the massage came the bath and then the teeka on my forehead and on the crown of the head. Soon I had put on my clothes and been reunited with my wife who had waited in the anteroom. We met the doctor and he prescribed medicines, elixirs, pastes and capsules, He also suggested a diet chart which depended heavily on red poha and such other delicacies of Kerala.

After a week of this, I was shifted to rice potli treatment, in which after the oil massage, my body was subjected to momentary touches of fomentation by potlis of cloth containing boiled rice and milk.

To cut a long story short, I undertook fourteen days of Kerala Massage. I wonder whether there was any impact of the treatment, but certainly it burnt a hole in my pocket. The only satisfaction was that the cost would have been four times higher if we had gone to Kerala for the treatment. I have also noticed that wives are duly impressed if you undergo an expensive line of treatment. It shows that you are serious in getting rid of the problem.

No use telling the poor things that there is no cure for old age, as it gently creeps on one, unbidden and uninvited.

As the poet  Ibne-Insha has sung,

“Qamar bandhe hue chalne ko, yaan sab yaar baithhe hain

Bahut aage gaye baqi, jo hain taiyar baithhe hain.”

TALE OF A TREE

Kaw Caw

Tale of a tree

It all started with Mr. Khazanchi deciding to plant a neem tree at the edge of his plot some thirty years ago. Pamposh was coming up and no one could foresee the shape this Kashmiri Colony would take in due course. There were 150 plots and each was allotted to a Kashmiri Pandit. The optimists thought it would always stay that way.

With Batta neighbours on all sides, one could make believe that one was still in Malla Pora, Bana Mohalla, 2/3 bridge, Srinagar, Kashmir.

 The years passed. The neem tree grew and it developed a huge trunk. Mr. Khazanchi had its branches lopped from time to time. Naturally, he tried to save his own house from the arboreal invasion. The tree was allowed free play across the road and it slowly and gradually developed a definite tilt towards us. To the extent that it crossed the service road and started wafting scented breezes into our drawing room.

At first, we did not mind. A neem tree is, by all accounts, a useful neighbour to have. Its tiny twigs can be made into daatuns. Its leaves are bitter to taste and can be used as an antidote to diabetes.  Ayurveda recommends that its leaves be chewed and digested every morning.

But you can have too much of a good thing. When the branches enter your bedrooms and the tree drops its leaves every day, it adds to the litter in the house and makes a mess of your interiors. So whenever the inroads became too intrusive, we called the horticulture wallahs, gave them something as chaipaani and had light pruning done.

Thus historical events led ultimately to the survival of a sole fat low-level branch, with which the horticultural department was not prepared to tinker. I suppose even chaipaani has its limitations. When we found the bottom line of horticultural honesty, we made out a case for lopping of the obtrusive branch and had it forwarded to the Forest Department.

This low level branch proved to be a great hazard to life, limb and property. Because it was low, no truck which had stacked material in it, could cross. Suddenly, at the most sensitive point in the Sunday afternoon siesta, the bell would ring its shrill summons. Both I from the ground floor and my son from the first floor would come out running, dishevelled and sleepy. The truck driver would express his apologies but could we please move the car parked on the side of the road, so that the truck could bypass the low-lying branch?  After the tenth such interruption of the holiday siesta, we decided to photograph the branch from various angles and made out    a forceful case for  lopping   off the branch.

I was told that an official of the Forest Department had inspected the spot but he was not convinced.

Soon thereafter, the matter became more serious. One day, there was a huge turbulence in the air. The trees shook up and down, as if acted upon by a veritable tsunami. As my son took out his car, the neem tree lost one of its huge members, missing my son’s car by millimetres. We were shaken up by the incident, which could have had serious repercussions.

And now the coup d’ grace! A water crisis hit Pamposh, with the motors conking out every  second day. The Jal Board sent out its tankers. One such tanker, filled to the brim and thus made much heavier, took the detour and     raced its engine while standing on     our ramp. When it left a few minutes later, the ramp had collapsed and been converted into a deep ditch. We engaged the services of Mange Ram contractor and he presented an estimate for the repairs. Several rounds of negotiations later, the tanker’s momentary romp on the ramp had   cost us a hefty sum of Rs. 13,500.

Now the Lakshmi Rekha had   been well and truly crossed. I spoke to my neighbour Shri Shakdher who also happens to     be the General Secretary of the Residents’ Welfare Association. We motored up to the Shooting Range where the Forest Department is located. We were lucky to have an audience with the Deputy Commissioner (Forests), who promptly permitted the lopping of the low-lying branch so guilty of misbehaviour.

What tilted the balance in our favour? Was it the tale of woe I narrated  to the officer?  Or the story of how we had,  in the Fifth Central Pay Commission, equated the Indian Forest Service to the Indian Police Service in all respects?

Or   was it my visiting card which was a proof of my past? 

Whatever the reason,    the tree is no longer a menace to our life, limb and happiness.

_______________________________________________________  

/

The New National Education Policy (draft)

New National Education Policy for India, 2016 (draft)


Need for a new policy:
National education policies have been formulated from time to time. The last such exercise was made in 1986 and the said policy was partially modified in 1992. MHRD has already started a process of consultation and they hope to formulate a New NEP by early 2016. A quarter century does not appear to be an unreasonably short period for such a policy-bending effort.

Factors to be taken into account:
The new factors that have to be taken into account are the following:
i) The Constitutional provisions for a fundamental right to education.
ii) The Constitutional requirement that all children between the ages of six and fourteen should be in elementary school.
iii) The pledge taken in the presence of the global community that Millennial Development Goals shall be achieved within a certain time frame.
iv) The targets laid down in the Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan, the Rashtriya Madhyamik Shiksha Abhiyan and the Rashtriya Uchtar Shiksha Abhiyan.
v) The policy pronouncements about Swachh Bharat Abhiyan, Digital India, Skill India, Make in India, Smart Cities and the like.
vi) The recommendations made by various expert committees about the educational system.

Changes in the situation:

Since the last review, there have been momentous changes in the situation in India and worldwide. Some of these may be summarised below:
a) The rate of change has accelerated. New knowledge is being generated at a faster pace. Individuals, societies, governments and educational and other systems are finding it difficult to keep pace.
b) The introduction of sophisticated ICT devices has transformed the educational scene beyond recognition. Classrooms are becoming passé. The emphasis is on experiential learning in project mode and group work, with the teachers acting more as facilitators and sounding boards than as transmitters of information.
c) Education is getting globalised and commercialised, and the participation of the private sector is changing the rules of the game.
d) A view has to be taken as to what part of the financial burden would continue to be borne by the Governments on equity considerations and what can be passed on to the other players like not-for-profit entities, totally private bodies with a clear profit motive and various shades of public-private participation.
e) What would be the ideal funding pattern, sharing of liability between the Central and State governments, possibilities of international agencies and foreign Governments pumping in resources, scope for private investment, both domestic and foreign etc.


SCHOOL EDUCATION:

A new National Curricular Framework:
A new national curricular framework needs to be worked out. There should be awareness and acceptance of the newly emerging realities of the Indian and global situation.

For example, the environment is being damaged to an extent where it appears that humanity is moving towards voluntary self-destruction. Gender parity and the need to protect women from rape, sexual exploitation and ill treatment  are becoming live issues.

There has to be greater emphasis on acquainting the students with the magnificent ancient Indian heritage. History will have to be rewritten with glorification of Indian heroes, patriots and freedom fighters and a more balanced evaluation of the foreign invaders who have been lionized by historians with a colonial mind-set.

Immense damage has been caused by the predominance of the western tendency to place science and spirituality as mutually antagonistic .The Indian wisdom that the physical and the spiritual are part of the same continuum needs to be taught.

Nationalism and patriotism are values that ought to be instilled in our youth. They should be lovers of their own country without being jingoistic. More than ever before, they have to be taught how to live together in harmony and peace.

While there has to be a national framework, it is more urgent than ever before that the curriculum should be transacted in the specific regional context in which the students live.

Introduction of the common school system:
We have been talking of various programmes aimed at improving the lot of the poor, but we have a dual educational system, with the children of the rich and the poor going to different types of schools. The Right to Education Act is infructuous without the adjunct concept of a neighbourhood school, to which all children have an equal right to be admitted.
The only exception is the Navodaya School, which caters predominantly to the poor and the weaker sections and at the same time provides a first-rate education.
What we need is a Navodaya School for every child, with a map of the neighbourhood each school is supposed to serve. Each child would have a justiciable right to be admitted to the neighbourhood school. It shall be the duty of the school management to admit every child currently out of school. Reasonable fees shall be charged, with the poor getting educational vouchers from a Government agency.

Policy of no detention:
Currently no child is detained at any stage in elementary school up to Class X. This decision was taken on the ground that children could not bear the stress of frequent examinations and tended to go into bouts of depression, even extending to a tendency to commit suicide.
 This might be partially true, but a ‘no detention’ policy is not the answer. While the public schools take weekly, monthly and quarterly tests, teachers in government schools have stopped teaching, as their inefficiency or idleness does not get exposed.

Traditional methods of teaching:
As the foundations of the learning process are laid during this period, time-tested techniques of teaching should not be jettisoned.  For example, there used to be a sing-song recitation of the multiplication table, which practice has been rather carelessly given up. Grammar used to be taught with examples of correct and incorrect usage. We should not have novelty in pedagogical techniques for novelty’s sake.

Response to evaluation reports:
Pratham and the Aser Foundation have been bringing out year after year the results of surveys of learning outcomes in government schools. These make dismal reading as they show that fifth grade students have literacy and numeracy skills of Class 2. This calls for special classes during the holidays to specially teach literacy and numeracy skills, especially to first generation learners.

Objectives of education:
The chief objectives of education should be threefold:
Values
Vocation
Wisdom

Values:
The values to be instilled are Truth, Righteous Conduct, Love, Non-violence and Peace.

Vocation:
Vocational education is not popular either with parents or students. A new mind-set has to be created through advocacy and public relations effort at the highest level. The attempt should be to send 80% of the school-going       population into vocations, whether through vocational education in schools, industrial training or training through master-craftsmen. What is needed is a seamless transfer of credits across educational systems, hierarchies of technical training and education and practical industrial experience. A beginning has been made with the promulgation of the National Skill Qualification Framework. This system of credit transfer has now to work across States, countries, general and vocational education streams and on-the-job industry experience.

The objective should be to make India a Knowledge Superpower, with emphasis on technical skills. For this purpose, technical education/ skill infusion should be declared to be a fundamental right.

Wisdom:
Wisdom can be transmitted by cadres of inspiring teachers who shall transfer the art of living through example, precept, yoga, meditation and applied philosophy. The role of teachers in the educational process has to be revisited. Teachers can no longer be mere purveyors of information. They should act as mentors who advise students how to learn. More than anything else they should inspire students to prepare their entire personality to live a life of creativity, innovation and service to society.

HIGHER EDUCATION

India has the second largest system of higher education in the world. The gross enrolment ratio is also quite high.

What is worrying is the small average size of our universities and colleges. They are academically and economically unviable, and operate at sub-optimal levels. Their regional distribution is also quite skewed. This last problem has been recently addressed by setting up central universities, IITs and IIMs in States where there were none. But such easy solutions merely hide the problem and do not solve it.

The real solution lies in infusion of sufficient funds into this sector by making suitable provisions in the Central and State budgets. In the absence of such resources, state Governments have been compelled to launch schemes for provision of subsidies to SC, ST, OBC and women students to permit them to join self-financing courses of study. Reservation, quotas and affirmative action are essential but these will have to be supported by a large number of scholarships, fee-waiver and effective loan programmes.

While the State Governments have been drawn into this quagmire of infinite expenditure, they are now feeling the pinch and find themselves unable to sustain the burden. Resultantly, in many States, the Central assistance under RUSA is getting diverted to cover the yawning deficit.

A few years back, the Govt. had imposed an education cess on income tax, and this had become an elastic source of funding for the education sector. This cess has been recently discontinued, but there is an obvious need to rethink this decision and in fact, take recourse to multiple sources of funding like international bodies, bilateral aid, FDI, funds available in CSR budgets of corporates etc.

Over the last two decades, the field of higher education has witnessed a degree of chaos and confusion. Although there have been private institutions of repute, there has been no declaration of a cogent policy on higher education.

The fact of the matter is that the demand for higher education has escalated at a tremendous pace due to the perceived advantage both to the individual and the economy. The budgetary provisions have not kept pace with the demand and the Government has allowed the entry of the private sector, with reluctance. There has been a stigma attached to the emergence of private initiatives, in as much as these have been seen as actuated solely by the profit motive.  Some time back, the Planning Commission went as far as classifying higher education as “a non-merit good” to justify its benign neglect of the sector.
In order to provide for an overarching mechanism for rational policy formulation, there   have been several attempts to invent such a mechanism. Thus the National Knowledge Commission suggested the constitution of an ERAHE (Exclusive Regulatory Authority of Higher Education). The Yash Pal Committee recommended a NCHER (National Commission for Higher Education and Research). The AICTE Review Committee has suggested a Higher Education Policy Panel in the Niti Aayog. None of these options has come about so far. The bull has to be taken by the horns by clearly defining the role of the private sector.
It does not seem feasible to create a combined mechanism owing to the turf battles among the various apex regulatory authorities. But it seems necessary to demarcate their areas of jurisdiction with clarity and insulate the highest positions from outside interference by delineating a special procedure for recruitment and giving them a single tenure of five years. All these bodies should enjoy greater autonomy.

It does not appear necessary to have such a vast variety of higher educational institutions. What we need is a small compact band of top-rated institutions like Central Universities, IITs and IIMs to lead the pack. The second rung can consist of Universities and deemed universities. All other brands can be discontinued.

India is only one among four countries where colleges are still affiliated to universities. The system of affiliation should be discontinued within a decade. All institutions should be regulated through a system of rating by independent rating agencies and evolve across phases of graded autonomy through a process of well-directed mentoring and development.
It should be mandatory for each educational institution to get an annual rating and a periodic accreditation through authorised agencies. Only institutions with a proper score should be allowed to continue. Those who do not improve should be merged in other institutions or closed down. Such a strict procedure will ensure the quality of our graduates and make them acceptable anywhere in the world.
While NBA should continue to be the authority for accreditation of technical institutions and NAAC the same for general institutions, both the organisations will need to be supported by a number of sister agencies duly licensed for the same by the respective apex regulatory authority.

Control, Regulation, Self-regulation and Autonomy:
While investment in educational institutions has to be made by the Government, philanthropists, industrial houses, not-for-profit entities and individual investors that does not mean that they should control the institution. At best they may regulate, but even this should depend on a rating by independent rating agencies. Better than this would be self-regulation. And the best option is that of autonomy
More than any other sector the educational sector   should apply the twin principles of graded autonomy and generous financial assistance.



Governance and recruitment procedures:

There are vestiges of colonial thinking in our higher educational institutions. For example, the Chancellor has merely a ceremonial role, as he presides over meetings of the university court and the Convocation. The University Court meets once a year to listen to the Annual Report and the Annual Accounts. Such institutions perhaps need to be discontinued.

There has been a complete bureaucratisation of the procedures for recruitment to the posts of Vice-Chancellors, Pro-Vice Chancellors, Deans, HODs, Professors and other teaching staff. The whole process needs transparency and decentralisation. The VCs should be appointed by a Search cum selection Committee and they in their turn should appoint Pro-VCs and HODs, who should appoint professors and so on.

The day to day management should be delegated to the PVCs, Deans and HODs. The VCs should concentrate on long-term vision, futuristic thinking and overall leadership.
The whole atmosphere should be one of trust and confidence. Feelings of loyalty should be generated.

ORGANISATIONAL ISSUES:

At the top of the pyramid there should be a single Ministry of Human Resource Development, covering the entire gamut of education. It should have a single cabinet Minister and a single Secretary..
The Ministry should cover the cognate subjects of culture, sports,, women and child development and so on.

The expenditure on education should be at least 8% of the GDP.

There should be a combined Central Board of School Education. The CBSE and ICSE should be merged therein.

There should be an all India Service called the Indian Education service. It should man all the senior posts in the Centre and the States.

An Education Commission should be set up in each State. It should recommend major modifications that ought to be made in the educational system of the state.

The entire policy making should be masterminded by the CABE which should give representation to all the stakeholders.

PM vs.PM

Silly point

                              PM vs.PM

(An authoritative transript of the recent hour-long conversation between Manmohan Singh and Narinder Modi.)

Modi: Sat Shri Akaal, Sardar Sahib. I hope you are well.

Manmohan: I am as all right as you permit me to be, Modiji.

Modi: I am sorry to hear a trace of anger in your reply, Manmohanji. I thought I had treated you rather well.

Manmohan: Well if you call the contrived release of belated disclosures by retired civil servants as good treatment…

Modi: This is a free country, Sir. Everyone is free to write his memoirs. Do you hold me responsible for their sensational trash?

Manmohan: You call these books sensational trash? I thought you or your aides had a hand in facilitating their publication at politically strategic moments.

Modi: Not at all, Manmohanji. I think you have misread my character a little. I thought you would have noticed that all my barbs were directed elsewhere.

Manmohan: I do not wish to sound persistent. But why should Baijal, of all people, choose me as the main target and bring me within the direct line of fire?

Modi: I am sorry that I do not know Mr. Baijal as well as you do. You might be better able to judge his motives. Let me make it clear. I do not waste my ammunition where there is no enemy target. And I do not see you as an enemy target.

Manmohan: I thought you knew of the unwritten rule which forbids a straight hit at your predecessor.

Modi: Of course, I am well aware of it. If I had not, would you be an honoured guest today at 7, Race Course Road?

Manmohan: For that I am indeed grateful. I think you have restored my self-respect to some extent. You have also started a guessing game in the media as to what the real purpose of today’s meeting is.

Modi: Let them speculate. They will never guess the real motive. I had to camouflage the whole thing by calling Deve Gowda also. The result was that he went to sleep like the Dormouse in the Mad Hatter’s tea party and I also enjoyed a well-earned nap!

Manmohan: What is the real motive? I must confess I am a little confused myself.

Modi: At the end of this conversation, I shall ask you to guess. But I have suddenly realised that I have been singularly remiss in my hospitality. I have not asked you what you would like. Chai?  Lemon juice?  Or something else?

Manmohan: I think chai will do.

Modi: What kind? Do you take sugar?

Manmohan: I will have light Darjeeling tea with one cube of sugar please.

(Modi rings a bell and gives instructions.)

Modi: Now, Sir. The media thinks you are giving me instructions on various things. Let us fulfil their heart’s desire. My first question: What did you think was my greatest mistake during the past one year?

Manmohan: Shall I be frank? I think this room is bugged.

Modi: You are right. You had yourself installed the device. But the device is deactivated for this conversation. I myself am keen that it should be off the record. Please be blunt and forthright.

Manmohan: I take your word for it. If you ask me for my frank opinion, I must tell you that your greatest blunder so far is that you do not have a Readily Available Natural Scapegoat to take the rap for your mistakes and misdemeanours.

Modi: And you had?

Manmohan: Isn’t it obvious? Have I been personally blamed for anything? The myth that was assiduously spread was that I was incapable of taking decisions. All the major ones were taken elsewhere.

Modi: You mean?

Manmohan: Obviously, I mean…

Modi: How do you call it a myth? Was it not the bald, unadulterated truth? At least, that is what the entire country still believes. You are supposed to have earned a number of lucrative pensions from the UN and its agencies. You believe in simple living. In fact, you are said to possess the original 1985 Maruti car.

Manmohan: All very true, but an elaborate facade. I may have had humble beginnings. I may have occasionally studied my books by the light of a street lamp. But I am not an absolute dunce.

Modi: You mean all this was like my chaiwala myth?

Manmohan: Is your chaiwala a myth? It has already passed into folk-lore. What did your father actually do for a living? Was he a  veritable Seth who owned a chain of tea stores across the railway stations of Western India?

Modi :( purses his lips and smiles)

Manmohan: You are not telling?

Modi: No. But we have been told again and again that Madam took all the decisions. In fact, the received wisdom is that you were incapable of taking any decisions.

Manmohan: Come on. I am internationally known as a modest man. But even I would like to claim that the economic recovery programme of 1991 was masterminded by me.

Modi:  People do give you the credit for reforms. But that is because Narasimha Rao was wholly allergic to taking decisions.

Manmohan: So he was, so he was. What do you think changed when Madam came to power?

Modi: Well, it is generally believed that decision making shifted from the Prime Minister to the Chairman, National Advisory Council.

Manmohan: Nonsense. Madam knew nuts about governance. When had she held even a puny office like that of a peon?

Modi: But your confidant Sanjay Baru has averred that Pulok Chatterjee used to discuss all the files with Madam, before obtaining your orders.  And you just signed on the dotted line.

Manmohan: Confidant, my foot! All our aides are basically time servers. I sacked Sanjay in 2008 and so he cooked up a story.

Modi: Maybe you have something there. So you think I should have a scapegoat?

Manmohan: Absolutely.  More than one, I would say. Mind you, in Amit Shah you have the perfect fall guy for your electoral reverses.

Modi: (smiles broadly) Thank you. Yeah, I think that was a good choice. He even looks like a second grade Don in a C-grade Bollywood movie. Any suggestions about the other scapegoats?

Manmohan: You have spread your net so wide you will need a string of scapegoats. One won’t suffice.

Modi: Who do you think fits the bill?

Manmohan: Some are naturals. For example, you can use Sushma Swaraj for external affairs. Instead, you sacrificed the Foreign Secretary. That was a mistake. You should never antagonize the bureaucracy. They are the most powerful trade union east of Suez.

Modi: What do you think generally about my treatment of the bureaucracy?

Manmohan: You have rightly forged a direct nexus with the Secretaries. You have thus weakened the Ministers.

Modi: So you think that was sound strategy?

Manmohan: Yes but sacking the Foreign Secretary was a big mistake. Rajiv Gandhi’s decline began when he dismissed the Foreign Secretary.

Modi : What else?

Manmohan: Your comments about bureaucrats wasting time on playing golf or bridge was a big error. These are minor vices and you should let them indulge their little foibles.

Modi: As you know, I speak plainly and bluntly. My elocution is perfect. But is this safe?

Manmohan: In these days of TV cameras recording every word and whisper you speak, such clarity of expression is fraught with dangers. You cannot claim that you are being misquoted.

Modi: So what is the remedy?

Manmohan: You have to take a course in developing a bushy growth near the mouth and learn the art of mumbling vague inanities.      Like I do often.

Modi: You, Sardar Sahib, have raised mumbling into the beard to an art form. We all envy you.

Manmohan: Thank you, but it takes a lot of effort.

Modi: Everyone thinks you are giving me lessons in economic policy. Do you have anything to suggest?

Manmohan:  I think you committed an error when you chose Jaitley as your Finance Minister. His problem is that he looks more intelligent than he is. Now, Arun Shourie looks like an absentminded professor, but inside he is as sharp as nails.

Modi: Yes, but what about economic policy? I do not have the foggiest notion of what I am supposed to do. Now foreign policy is a cake walk. You travel like a Maharajah, shake hands, wave to the crowds, fondle a child, beat a drum, play on a flute, deliver a speech full of praise for the host country and end up with a munificent line of credit. Plus in most places you have the NRI crowds to cheer you up.

Manmohan: Oh, economic policy is even simpler to handle. There are a limited number of options only. With so many predecessor regimes, most of the options have already been exercised. Economic policy essentially involves continuing the good old schemes, but changing the nomenclature. I think you are on the right track.

Modi: Our main problem is that we do not have so many names left. The Nehrus and Gandhis had an inexhaustible list. I have limited options. After you have used Sardar Patel and Chhatrapati Shivaji ,what are you left with? I have had to usurp even Mahatma Gandhi.

Manmohan: I think you have not probed this subject deep enough. You  can use   Din Dayal Upadhyay, Shyama Prasad Mukerjee, Savarkar, Golwalkar, Hedgewar and all the RSS icons. Among the living, you have used Atalji’s name. This sends the subliminal message that he has already passed into eternity. Why not do the same to your other rivals like Advani, Joshi etcetera.

Modi: That is great advice. If I exhaust the list, what then?

Manmohan: If such a contingency arises, you can call me for another cup of tea. If you ever feel the crunch in an emergency, feel free to use the names of the Sikh Gurus. We have ten of them.

Modi: That is a brilliant idea. Am I treating the minorities as they ought to be?

Manmohan: I think there you have the Natural Scapegoats in the hierarchy of the RSS, starting with the Sarsanghachalak.  You are doing well not to come out into the open, either for or against. That way you keep them frightened and docile.

Modi: One of the news channels suggested that you had secret understandings with some Heads of Government, things that were off the record. Can you share your secret understanding with Pakistan?

Manmohan: I do not think you can call it a secret understanding. We can just say that both of us understood the situation rather well.  And the common understanding is---You can discuss Kashmir till the cows come home, but you can never arrive at a solution. Both sides can blow hot and cold alternately, just take care that you don’t both blow hot simultaneously.

Modi: You think the nuclear bomb is a real threat?

(Suddenly Modi looks at the hourglass. The sand is almost exhausted. He smites his forehead.)

Modi: I am sorry. The time reserved for this meeting is over. We shall meet some other time. One final query before you leave: How do I tackle Kejriwal?

Manmohan: That is one question I hoped you would not ask. I think you need not do anything to him. He is in self-destruct mode. Like Bhasmasur, he will soon reduce himself and his AAP to ashes.

Modi: And suppose he does not?

Manmohan: Then leave him to Nanhe

.

Modi: You mean?

Manmohan: Yes I mean… PMs come and PMs go but the double A’s go on for ever

.

Modi: Thank God they are there--- permanent scaffolding against all earthquakes and tsunamis.

Manmohan: Yes. Waheguru be praised!

(They both smile broadly, and shake hands.  Manmohan Singh leaves.)

Modi : (to himself) That was a great meeting. Let me call the Social Media man and float a tweet. The media will lap it up!

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COMMENTS ON THE DRAFT IIM BILL

Comments  on the draft IIM Bill, 2015

 Reasons for the proposed law:

 It is not clear as to why this legislation is being proposed. Ostensibly, there are several reasons:

·      Government wishes to bring all the IIMs on a single format in respect of governance procedure, objectives, status, power to award degrees, role of the MHRD in policy and day-to-day affairs of the Institutes etc.

·      In particular, Govt. wishes to designate all the IIMs as Institutes of National Importance, give all of them the power to award degrees instead of mere diplomas, create a Council on the pattern of the IIT Council, increase the extent of Govt. control on the working of the Institutes, empower the Govt. to issue directives on matters of policy and so on.

                                                My comments:

This legislation appears to be unnecessary and counterproductive for the following reasons:

1.     The IIMs have steadfastly refused to subject themselves to the regulatory powers of the MHRD, AICTE and UGC. They are not prepared to sacrifice their autonomy for any reason whatsoever.

2.     The IIMs award diplomas, which are rated worldwide as superior to degrees awarded by other institutions. Their products are in great demand globally.

3.     Some IIMs have built reserves through charging of fees that the market will bear. The Govt wishes to make them not-for-profit entities, so that they have to depend entirely on the Govt. for their finances.

4.     The frontline business schools do not favour rigid, stratified, siloed structures or governance systems cast in stone. They wish to retain the ability to manage a quick-changing, volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous world with out-of-the-box solutions. The governance structures have to be more networked, flat, fluent, hybrid and agile.

5.     Under the proposed law, the various bodies are meant to be mainly composed of governmental officials or nominees. There is little scope for bringing experts from other countries, representatives of all the stakeholders like the alumni, the student bodies, industry, potential employers and independent experts.

6.     The Bill proposes to make it mandatory for the Institutes to follow the directions issued by the Govt. on matters of policy. The Institutes would like to believe that the reverse situation should prevail, that is, the Institutes should be in a position to advise the Govt. on what policies to pursue.

7.     It is a sound idea to have a mechanism for sharing of experiences and practices among the various Institutes, but the Coordination forum suggested in the Bill is likely to be a bureaucratic institution stuffed with Govt. nominees.

Conclusion:

On the whole there does not appear to be a need to alter the status quo .It is not necessary that uniformity would inexorably lead to better functioning. Governmental controls are notorious for their enervating influence on institutions. Management education is hardly a field suitable for rigid, petrified, bureaucratic control and command mechanisms.

The Review Committee on AICTE (2015)  has in a report submitted recently to the Government suggested that the AICTE should be truly autonomous and should be declared as a Constitutional Authority. According to the AICTE Act 1987, management is one of the fields listed under the generic title of technical education. In the field of education, we have to generally move towards greater autonomy. The IIM Bill, 2015 seeks to move in the contrary direction and cannot, therefore, be supported in its present form.

If at all some kind of framework is to be prescribed, it should emerge out of a consensus among the IIMs themselves. For this purpose, detailed consultations would be imperative. An IIM Act should be drafted, if it is deemed necessary, by the IIMs themselves. It should provide for self-regulation rather than an outside control mechanism.

The Return of Rahul

                    The Return of Rahul

( Introspection Camp at Kedarnath. Rahul is lolling on one side. The advisers are ranged in two groups: The Group of Elders and the Group of Youngsters.)

Rahul:   Come on, chaps. Don’t keep on discussing ad nauseam and wasting the time. Tell me what to do.

Jyotir: We told you bluntly. Our advice is very clear. The first stage of introspection is to identify the key questions. And the consensus so far is that the foremost key question is: What is the problem?  

Rahul: Tell me again, I have forgotten. What is the problem?

Jyotir: To cut the story short, what is the problem is not the problem. Who is the problem is the problem. And the short answer is: You are the problem.

Rahul: That is cool. That is real cool. I give you inner party democracy. And you repay my debt by laying the entire blame on me.

Jyotir: Who else to hold responsible? If we had won, we would have assigned the credit to you.

Database manager:  It is my duty to inform you that today is the 30^th day. Our Supreme Command has decided that 57 days of introspection is the maximum that the nation will stomach!

Rahul: Exactly my point! We cannot stretch this introspection gimmick too far .Even Jesus Christ got only 40 days and nights in the desert.

Sachin: I have always said that Rahul’s sabbatical should be about a month.

Digvijay: You chaps count us as the older group. Age might be     a deficiency, but some of us are still fresh at heart. The youngsters are forgiven certain lapses as whimsical fads, but even these have to be within limits.

Ahmed: I agree. Every day that passes makes it more and more difficult for us to face the cameras and answer embarrassing questions.

Anand: They ask us what you are introspecting about, why it is taking so long, when the answer stares everyone in the face.

Rahul: What is that answer? Will somebody tell me?

Sachin: We told you just now.

Rahul: Sorry, I was not attentive. Would you kindly repeat it?

Sachin: You are the problem.

Rahul:  oh that?  Okay. I won’t contest that. Nobody is perfect. But do we have an option?

Diigvijay: No we don’t. And that is the tragedy. Now if Priyanka had been a boy…

Ahmed: No point dreaming up imaginary scenarios.

Anand: We have to make the best of a bad bargain.

In charge Tutorial Team: We tried our best. See what a hash he made of his interview with Arnab Goswami. After all that tutoring!

Jyotir: I don’t think   we are being fair to Rahul. You gave him some oneliners about gender parity, the role of women, the significance of bringing youth into mainstream politics, the crucial importance of RTI and lok Pal and so on.

Sachin: So whenever he wished to evade a question, he talked of inner party democracy, rights of women, RTI and the rest. And Arnab’s style everyone knows. The more Rahul tried to stray, the more   he brought him back to the track. Till it all became a joke.

Rahul: Yeah, a sick joke!     That is an Arnab speciality. I realised later why Modi had walked out of the studio when he tried to grill him on Gujarat riots. If Modi could not face him, what chance did I have?

 Anand: I think our Media Team   floundered on the decision to field Rahul in a one-to-one interview and the Tutorial Team did not coach him   well.

In charge Tutorial Team: It is easy to blame us. In these matters,     one has to think on one’s feet and improvise. That only comes with experience.

Sachin: Okay, forget about the interview.  Where did Rahul get out- manoeuvred by Modi during the   2014 Lok Sabha poll?

Digvijay:  I think Modi was lucky. He succeeded and nothing succeeds like success. He played several gambles and because    the time was auspicious for him,   all his moves      succeeded.

Ahmed: I agree. Look at how he got nominated as the prime ministerial candidate.   How he eliminated stalwarts like Joshi, Advani and Sushma. How he converted the election into a Modi versus Rahul contest as if it was a presidential poll   in the US.

Anand: Even jibes got converted into votes.  Mani Shankar tried to denigrate him as a Chaiwala’s son. He has converted that remark into his defining trademark. He is extremely clever.

Jyotir:  The trouble with all of us Indians is that we     respect cleverness, not honesty .Modi was able to get out of his scrapes with seeming ease. Look at how he did not let even a single court give     a finding against him for the Gujarat riots. He buried Snoop gate several fathoms deep.

Rahul: Sorry friends. I don’t think this introspection is taking us anywhere. To my mind, we should answer some pointed questions. Question 1: Why did the Congress lose? Question 2..

Incharge Database:  We have collected all the possible questions and surveyed them in opinion polls. In the hierarchy of importance these questions rank as under:

 1 to 10: Dynasty

11 to 20: Corruption

Jyotir: Hold on, let us not create a huge question bank and then get lost. Stay with Question 1.

Anand: I would say the Congress lost because of the Dynasty .

Sachin: What Dynasty? The Gandhis are not the only Dynasty in Indian politics. Jyotir is the Scindia dynasty, I am the   Pilot dynasty. You have the Karunanidhi dynasty, the Abdullah dynasty, the Yadav dynasty and so on and so forth.

Ahmed: Where does Dynasty not play a role? Look at the legal profession. Ram Jethmalani and Mahesh, Lakshmi Mal Singhvi and Abhishek, Shanti Bhushan and Prashant. The corporates are all dynasty. The entertainment industry is all dynasty. Why pick on poor Rahul?

Rahul: And how can bachelors like Vajpayee or grass widowers like  Modi create a dynasty?

Ahmed: I think this Dynasty business is a red herring. It is a good stick to beat Rahul with.

Digvijay:  Unfortunately, Modi makes it a telling point. He calls him the Shehzada. That makes the whole thing humorous, as if it is a scene from Mughal-e-Azam.

Sachin: I think you have   hit the jackpot. It is Modi’s gift of the gab that needs to be countered.

Jyotir: I agree. He is a very powerful speaker.

Incharge Tutorial Team: He has learnt the art of public speaking in the RSS. RSS pracharaks are speaking in the vernacular all the time. Atal Behari Vajpayee was an RSS pracharak. So was Modi . Rahul suffers from the usual problem of public school products. He has to get  the Doon  School out of his system. Even when he farts, he does so in an elongated Anglicised way

Rahul: I refuse to take note of such puerile remarks about my alma mater.

Ahmed: You make it sound as if learning one more language is impossible. What about Soniaji? When she first started speaking in Hindi, she had an Italian European accent. But today…

In charge Tutorial Team: We are working on it. We have hired three first rate RSS pracharaks to coach him. There is a good humorous phrase they have coined about the Modi Government being a “Soot boot ki sarkar”.

Rahul (vastly amused): Yes, yes, that “soot boot ki sarkar” is rich. I am going to use it as often as I can.

Jyotir: No, you are not. That is your problem. When you get hold of something, you wear it down to the bone.  (To In charge) Please give him a repertoire of thirty forty witticisms for the sake of variety. Okay?

Incharge: Okay. But he has to think up some jokes himself, learn to play around with words.

Rahul: So how does one play with words? Give an example.

Incharge: For example, Modi is converting his name into a mantra. He has coined the phrase “Ab ki baar Modi sarkaar.” Suppose we discover that like some traditionalist Hindus, he wears a topknot on the crown of his head. Topknot is called “Bodi”.     So you can twist his slogan to “Abki baar, bodi sarkar.”No urban youth would be found dead with a bodi on his head. Bodi is a symbol of  rusticness, being out of tune with modernity etcetra. Say it. See how it sounds.

Rahul: (with some awkwardness) Modiji kehte hain “Abki baar Modi sarkaar.” Everyone knows that Modi wears a bodi. So what it will really be like is “Abki baar bodi sarkaar.”

(The entire group of advisers breaks into a smile.)

Anand: That is not bad. Not bad at all. I am doubtful though that Rahul would know words like bodi, which are pure vernacular.

Incharge Database: You have not discussed corruption.

Sachin: Phooey! Is corruption an issue in Indian politics? Look at what Modi has done on corruption.

Jyotir: Or what he has not done. The black money in foreign banks has not come back to India. It is doubtful if there would be anything left in those accounts by the time our SIT reaches out to them.

Ahmed: Modi has not appointed the Lok Pal or the CVC or the CIC. He is merrily helping out his cronies by wholesale amendment of legislation that affects them.

Anand: And who the hell is bothered? I agree that corruption is a non-issue in Indian politics and always will be.

Digvijay: Our real problem is that of strategy. Rahul’s ghar wapsi should happen with a bang. We have to identify issues,   collect the crowds,   write Rahul’s speeches, send him to far-off places on padyatras and so on.

Jyotir: He should raise issues specific to segments of Indian society like the farmers, the landless labourers, the OBCs, the hill people, the tribals, the people living in deserts and coastal regions and so on…

Ahmed: You are right. Above all, he must not keep quiet. Indian politics is not about dignified silences. You have to be noisy, you have to be brash, you have to stage dharnas, walkouts, gheraos, demonstrations, processions …

Sachin: He must make a ruckus in Parliament every day.

Digvijay: The channels should have breaking news all the time about how Rahul has lashed out at the prime minister. Our database chaps should monitor his daily, weekly, monthly and annual output so as to keep him at the top of all the statistical charts…

Anand: Absolutely! I think you chaps have hit the nail on the head. HE SHOULD NOT KEEP QUIET. That is our takeaway from this introspection.

Rahul: Okay, I think we are now making some progress. Let us grab a bit of lunch. Thank you, friends. Rest a while. All this introspection must have worn you out. When I ran away to introspect, I was under the impression that it would be like an extended holiday, I will take several naps during the day and have plenty of rest. If I knew that maman mia would pack all of you after me and how tiring a simple thing like introspection could be, I would have opted for a course in Kungfu or jiu jutsu.

Okay, now let me play the role of Shehzada Salim in real life

.Takhliya…

________________________________________________________

 (curtain)